Dear Womb it may concern -

Another year shot to Hell. What with PMS, dogs, cats, picnickers and pests like you the year has been a real loser. There was one bright spot, however, the kids have all moved out and settled in far away places. The muck-raking season was very productive, we found a lot of long lost pop bottles. We cashed them in and bought 100 shares of Sambos. Unfortunately Sambos went belly up. Last spring we bought an old Ford tractor to help Mrs W. and Wendy with their chores. The tractor had some trouble with two of its gears - forward and reverse so the ladies ended up pushing it and now they both say they would rather have the comfort and convenience of the wheel barrow.

The boys are doing good. Roger is still married to old whats her name and he's managed to hang on to his job at the roach spray company. Garry is fixing junk cars and fitting old ladies with new parts [hip implants]. Wendy, she's a girl, quit her job as a school teacher to become a full time hypochondriac and group leader at Bellevue. Our hippy son in law, Bill Frantz, is now wearing shoes, is toilet trained and is allowed to eat at the table with the rest of the family on special occasions.

Mrs. W has been good this year. She doesn't drool much anymore and has held her weight gain to 40 lbs. She spends her winters knitting covers for the lawn mowers. She wants to open the park next year for our 52nd season. She says we should keep on going until we get it right. We are really getting along good since she has joined A.A.

Despite the heavy cross I have had to bear this past year I manage to maintain my sharp wit, charismatic personality and my uncanny genius to make all the right decisions. My family is eternally grateful for having a firm hand on the rudder of the ship.


PS We had a nice visit from Aunt Eileen and Uncle Bud this fall which appropriately came during the Halloween season.