First off - right up front let me say writing this Christmas or Hanukah or Season Greetings letter is not my idea! I have stubbornly resisted boring people out of their gourd for 80 years so now in my 81st year I will succumb to the pressure of my bride of 55 lackluster years and my daughter Wendy who is the zookeeper of the house next door. They say "Write stupid" or your soul will rot in Hell. So Hell or here, tough choice. So here goes nothing.

My oldest son Roger lives up in Boston and is still mixing up magic potions to try to cure people who aren't sick. He has 2 plus or minus children Anna Marie 10 and Adam, 15 and a wife Jean, 69. My youngest son, Garry, 51, lives in Weirdsville, California, under the Bay Bridge in a large culvert pipe. He has no children, no wife, no prospects, and is still looking for a job. Now take my daughter - please. She is 60 ODD years and her name is Wendy and she has a daughter Katie who has mirrors in every room in the house so she can see herself. Wendy also has assorted ex-husbands and a current one called Skip (age unknown.) Skip has a son, Adam, 21, who discovered that there is an opposite sex. Next year he is determined to find out why we need an opposite sex.

Now we come to the love of my life, Bianca, 79+++ years. She thinks Herbert Hoover is still our fearless leader. Her health has been reasonably good with the exception of a bout with head lice and a case of athlete's foot. Now we come to myself. I am in perfect condition - Arnold Schwarzenegger would like to have my body. I am blessed with a hairtrigger brain and a charismatic personality.

So enjoy this letter because I am not going write again.